On His Own Terms
by Snitwick
Summary: Long ago Naruto made Sakura a promise to bring Sasuke back. He's determined never to give up, even if he tears them both apart in the process. ItaNaru. Spoilers up to chapter 303. Character death. Complete.


Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine.

* * *

Long ago Naruto had promised a girl that he would never give up, but somewhere between then and now that girl had become a woman and moved on with her life. She had married a good man and had even given birth to a healthy baby girl, but she couldn't let go completely. Not while Naruto clung on to their childish promise with everything he had.

Naruto knew Sakura wanted nothing more than to tell him to let it go, to give up on the one who had gone away--who hadn't wanted to stay--but he also knew that she wouldn't--_couldn't_. She could give up on their promise, but she could never tell him to because she understood how it _felt_; the dull disbelief leading into the sharp longing and finally the slow, numbing ache stetched out over the years until it was too thin to even comfort the lonely. It was because she knew what it felt like to miss Sasuke with every minute of every hour of every day that she could do nothing except helplessly look on as Naruto slowly destroyed himself searching for Sasuke.

And although he would never tell her, Naruto knew how he was drawing them both closer to the abyss every time he came back empty-handed; how his crumbling soul was mirrored in her tired eyes; how his hope was slowly fermenting and turning foul even as Sakura smiled less often. He knew that as long as he continued to clutch desperately at the broken hope, Sakura would never be able to move on completely, and it cut him deeply but he wouldn't stop--_couldn't_ stop.

* * *

Naruto knew the Akatsuki wanted the bijuu sealed within him. He still remembered how they had carelessly killed Gaara in order to extract the bijuu inside him. That was why when Itachi showed up on his doorstep, he wasn't surprised.

Naruto was, however, angry. Angry at the Akatsuki for what they had done to Gaara; at Itachi for what he had done to Sasuke; at Sasuke for what he had done to Sakura and himself. He was frustrated. Frustrated at having lost track of Sasuke yet again when he had been so _close_; at the lack of leads he had on Sasuke this time; at how rarely Sakura smiled anymore; at how hopeless he was.

During the three years that he had spent training with Jiraiya, the older ninja had drilled Naruto relentlessly about how to fight against Itachi in order to ensure his survival, but Jiraiya's words were lost on Naruto now. All of his advice relied on Naruto remaining clear-headed.

Naruto was a lot of things at the moment--resentful, angry, helpless, frustrated--but he was definitely not clear-headed.

He charged at Itachi, ditching every battle technique he had ever learned.

Itachi was so surprised at Naruto's recklessness, in fact, that he didn't even dodge as Naruto's fist crashed into his jaw with a sickening crack. Naruto didn't get lucky a second time, however; he swung again and again, but each time his fist sailed through air as Itachi stepped back just far enough to avoid being hit.

When Naruto tired of missing Itachi, he stood in front of the silent nin, panting heavily. Itachi looked at him with quiet eyes, neither mocking him nor judging him. Itachi's unemotionalness irritated Naruto; his quiet eyes were capable of wrecking his concentration without even trying.

Naruto opened his mouth to tell Itachi to stop staring at him like that, but Itachi took that moment to move closer to Naruto. So close, in fact, that Naruto had to back up against the wall in order to avoid coming into contact with Itachi's body. Itachi leaned in slowly, until only centimeters separated his lips from Naruto's. His grip on Naruto was weak yet Naruto was completely paralyzed with fear. Itachi wondered what the other man was afraid of.

Naruto knew that he wouldn't die, at least not until the Akatsuki finished extracting the Kyuubi from him. Not that he was afraid of dying. No, what he was afraid of was failing.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, they were on Naruto's bed, half-naked and slick with sweat, although Naruto did not know how or why or even cared. As far as Naruto was concerned, sex was another form of battle. Instead of kicking and punching, they bit and scratched. Naruto's nails dug into the headboard on his bed until wooden slivers shoved up under his fingernails and caused him to bleed. Itachi licked and bit at Naruto's neck until he had given the blond a bruise to match the one that had crept up across his jaw where Naruto had clocked him earlier.

When Itachi was finished, he pulled up his pants and left without another word. Naruto didn't know what this new development meant as far as the Akatsuki's plans for the Kyuubi were concerned and frankly, he was too tired to care. As far as he was concerned, he had staved off having to admit that he had failed to keep his promise to Sakura, if only for a while.

* * *

Naruto didn't see Itachi again until he showed up without explanation two weeks later. When Naruto answered the door, Itachi pushed his way inside without asking to be let in and shut the door behind him. Naruto found himself on his hands and knees on his bed within minutes. The ramen he had been fixing sat on the kitchen table, abandoned.

This time, Naruto managed to work in a question before Itachi left again.

"Why... why are you doing this?"

At first Naruto didn't think Itachi was going to answer him, but just before he put his hat on, he looked at Naruto with those quiet eyes. "Why do you let me?"

* * *

Between the second and third visits, Naruto did some serious calculating.

He could still see the events of the first chuunin exams as clearly as if they were reflected in the surface of a lake, but as untouchable--unstoppable--as if they were encased in ice. Those memories were cold beneath his fingers. Next were the two and a half years that he had spent training with Jiraiya--long years filled with hard work and sweat. But what Naruto remembered most of all were the last ten years that he had spent chasing Sasuke's shadow.

When Naruto swallowed, he tasted salt.

* * *

When Itachi arrived the third time, Naruto was ready.

"I know you want the bijuu sealed inside me," he said.

Itachi gave a slight shrug and looked away disinterested. "Maybe."

His indifference worked its way beneath Naruto's skin like sand.

"I want to make a deal."

His words caused Itachi to meet his eyes. Whether Itachi was seriously interested in striking a deal with him or if he simply wanted to indulge Naruto's attempts at conversation in order to get to the sex quicker, Naruto didn't know nor did he care. Now that he had Itachi's attention, he began.

"I know that it will kill me... when the Kyuubi is extracted. I don't care about that. But before I die, I want to talk to Sasuke one last time."

Naruto's deal didn't surprise Itachi, or at the very least, it didn't cause his quiet eyes to waver. If Itachi had been anyone else, he might have asked Naruto what made this time different; why he thought that he could talk some sense into Sasuke now.

But Itachi simply said, "Okay."

"Okay?" repeated Naruto, surprised at how readily Itachi had agreed. "So you know where he is?"

"No," said Itachi. "But I will find out."

Naruto frowned, but didn't press the matter further and followed Itachi to the bedroom.

* * *

The next time Itachi showed up, he handed Naruto a slip of paper.

"You will find Sasuke at that address," was all he said before he headed for the bedroom.

Naruto barely had a chance to stash the piece of paper in a safe place before hurrying after Itachi. He was too distracted by the prospect of seeing Sasuke again to focus on Itachi raking his back with his nails or arching against Naruto as he came, but Itachi didn't seem to care.

As he got dressed, Itachi said, "Be ready to leave when I come back."

He didn't give Naruto a date or time, but Naruto didn't need one. A dying man didn't need to pack anything. If Sasuke was really at the address listed on the piece of paper, Naruto would be ready to go that evening.

* * *

When Naruto arrived at the dingy shack on the outskirts of Konoha, he felt a familiar feeling grip his chest. He was on the brink of seeing Sasuke again, and if Itachi had been telling the truth, this time Sasuke wouldn't slip between his fingers. Having closed in on the door, Naruto reached out and opened it.

Inside the one-room shack, it was small and dark. The only window was less than the breadth and height of a man's chest and cut high in the wall, barely letting in any light. The only piece of furniture in the room was a small cot crammed in the corner. A dark figure lay slumped on the cot. Naruto approached the figure.

"Sasuke?" he asked questioningly as he reached out a hand and shook the dark figure's hip.

The figure turned over beneath his touch, but did not meet his eyes. Instead, Sasuke stared at Naruto's other hand, which was splayed and touching the edge of the bed. He traced the fingers with his dark eyes silently. That was when Naruto noticed that Sasuke was restrained; the manacles placed around his arms and legs were burning with a seal that was still hot to the touch.

"Did Itachi do this?" asked Naruto, wide-eyed.

Sasuke launched himself at Naruto as the sound of his brother's name. The manacles clanked loudly. His dark grey eyes burned with the fire that was consuming him from the inside out. He snarled and his jaws snapped on empty air as they ripped and tore at the space where seconds earlier Naruto's face had been. Sasuke's teeth would have sunk into Naruto's cheek had he not stumbled backwards at the sound of Sasuke's clashing manacles. Naruto stared at Sasuke; stared at what the boy had become over the last thirteen years; staring at the feral beast that had cropped up where a man should have been.

Naruto turned away. He hadn't come all this way just to let him see him cry.

* * *

That night, Naruto answered the door to find Itachi standing on his doorstep again.

"Are you ready?" asked Itachi.

Naruto nodded.

They left without another word.

* * *

After the second day of traveling, Naruto was struck by a sudden urge to confess something to Itachi. He waited until after they had had sex and Itachi had rolled over to sleep.

"I was going to tell them I was leaving," said Naruto. "But they wouldn't understand."

Naruto could have sworn that he heard Itachi murmur something, but he wasn't sure. He strained his ears for the next ten minutes, but Itachi said nothing further. Eventually Naruto figured he must have misheard. Not that it really mattered, thought Naruto, curling up next to Itachi. It wasn't as if he had expected Itachi to comfort him.

* * *

They reached the Akatsuki's base the next day, as afternoon slipped soundlessly into evening. Naruto did not falter as he followed Itachi inside.

The other Akatsuki members were surprised to see Itachi walk in side-by-side with the jinchuuriki that housed the most powerful bijuu, but they knew from the beaten look in Naruto's eyes that he was not going to put up a fight. A few of them even found themselves wondering what had happened in the last ten years that had caused him to go from being the strong-willed kid who had fought so fiercly to get Gaara's body back to the unanimated man standing before them now. None of them wondered enough to stop them from preparing the jutsu to extract the Kyuubi, however.

* * *

When word of Naruto's disappearance reached the Hokage, she personally went out and inspected his apartment. The ANBU member standing guard when she arrived handed Tsunade the note that Naruto had left. It was an apology for being unable to tell them in person that he was leaving, an address on the outskirts of town where Naruto claimed they could find Sasuke's body, and a request to have it buried in the Uchiha family cemetery.

When Sakura arrived minutes later, Tsunade handed her the note silently.

"He did it," said Sakura, after reading the note. Neither her voice nor her face had a trace of happiness in them. "He kept his word, and now he's never coming back, is he?"

Tsunade bowed her head in response. Naruto had only been twenty-five.

* * *

Naruto let Itachi lead him to the platform on which he was to lie--on which he was to die--when the jutsu was preformed. Just before Itachi fastened the manacles around his wrist, Naruto grabbed Itachi's wrist and met those quiet eyes straight on. What he was trying to see in Itachi's eyes, Itachi would never know. He must have found whatever he was looking for, however, because he released his grip on Itachi's arm momentarily and laid back down. He did not try to resist anymore.

* * *

In the end, Naruto gave up, but only on his own terms; he was defeated, but only with his permission. In the end, he did not scream; he did not cry. In the end, he met death with a half-crazed grin. For in the end, he had loved and lived and fought and died, all on his own terms.

For in the end, he had not failed.

_Fin._


End file.
